Music has medicinal properties. I think we can all agree about that. Especially strong psychological ones. There is a matter of comfort for me in dance music. It is my safe place. So when my last relationship spiraled to the ground and exploded like someone's dignity at a Pauly D concert, you know exactly what I turned to in order to make myself feel better. I noticed that I was going through different phases of music as my attitude changed about my newly found independence. In hindsight it is pretty hilarious to see how my taste in music changed as I went through the grieving process. Ultimately I learned a lot about myself, and used music as a healthy way to get over a break-up, even if at points I was certifiably insane throughout the process.
The Over Intense Feels Stage: 1 Hour to 14 Days
I know that I entered this stage pretty clearly as I was scream crying/singing ‘Sun and Moon' by Above & Beyond on the first car ride I took after I got dumped. It was not all real to me yet, so I wanted to still hear something upbeat and alive at least. I gravitated towards songs about love and loss, but ones that wouldn't destroy my psyche as I was still deciding if it was really over. Even though it just totally was.
Realization That It's Over for Good: Sad Cliche Music, 15 Days to 31 Days
All the little bit of happiness and hope that came from A&B and Dash Berlin pumping out high energy feels was now dead as shit. Now started the depression phase. I realized that it was over, there was no real repairing what had happened. I was trying to figure out my identity again after having someone else in my life for so long. So I got super cliche down in the dumps and my music choices followed. Self pity was what I was all about. And man did I suck. Luckily once this phase was over things started to get better. And having allowed myself to feel these feels, I did not have to see them ever again (like Carl from E-Forest). Its important not to try to avoid this phase, because its like fighting a title wave, you are not going to win.
Slightly Passive Aggressively Charged Upbeat Phase: Day 32 to Day 45
So I go through my binge of self loathing introspection and started to come out of the darkness. That being said I was still carrying some serious anger around with me. If you know me from my last article, ‘Drugs in EDM', you can understand I am probably a handful to deal with. So even if I did totally deserve to get dumped, this phase was unavoidable. It is a defense mechanism so my ego didn't force me to kill myself, so I took all that self loathing and pushed it back towards the world around me. I was not ready to fully indulge the anger yet, so these songs just took subtle jabs at love and relationships in general.
The Anger Comes out Phase: Day 45 to Day 50
Now out of the blue I was just pissed. At nobody in particular honestly, more the situation than anything. And man was I aggressive. The music I was listening too didn't even have a particular message of love or love loss. It was purely there to match my level of anger. This is when if I was going to do it at all, I would have done something stupid and regrettable. We all know that feeling where you type out a long strongly worded text that has little basis in reality and as soon as you hit send, you just know in your soul that you done goofed. So I fed into the anger, but I didn't do anything stupid. I let the music be my release in place of acting a fool.
The Acceptance Phase: Day 51 to Day 62
So I came out of the anger phase like waking up from a black out. I was anxious, sweaty and confused. But that being said, I had some shocking clarity for not being able to full explain what happened the last few weeks. I realized the part I played in the situation and how it was not the end of the world. And while I was still a little vulnerable I was grateful for being able to learn about myself through the experience. I was starting to gain faith that everything was going to be alright. I no longer feared songs about love for anything on A&B's Acoustic album. I just started to listen to way more upbeat electro and progressive house. Things were improving and my music taste matched my ever increasing happiness.
Ready to Move On: Day 63, Forward
After about two months of waking up in a different mood each day introspection, and taking what I had learned about myself and applying it to my daily life. I started to reach a point of neutrality. I was not mad, I was not sad, I was just existing. I started to know that everything was the way it should be at that exact moment. I was ready to move on with my life. Music is powerful, I mean hell, whenever I hear ‘Kids' by MGMT I still think about my girlfriend from early high school. But those memories do not come with motives anymore, just a smirk and little laugh as I remember how bat shit insane I really am. But then at some point you are at a show, or driving around and a song comes on you like and someone says ‘I LOVE THIS SONG', you lock eyes and WOAH…the next adventure starts. So with that I will leave you with the song which lead me out of the feels back into reality. PLEASE leave your break up songs in the comments. Good Luck, its a roller coaster ride.
